you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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