the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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