I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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