So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
