Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
