I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
