Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
