he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
