the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
