Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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