all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
