Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
