Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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