I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
