Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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