My balls are so social today.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
