Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
