listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
