no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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