i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
