somebody snuck up and got me drunk
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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