Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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