For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
