just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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