I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
