he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just puked most of my soul out..
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