Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
why is half of my head shaved?
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