i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
