He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
