I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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