the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
