Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
