does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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