dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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