DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
