I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
