i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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