I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
