Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
