Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
