Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
