There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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