I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
