I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
