he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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