I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
