You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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