My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
