So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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