Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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