TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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