your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
