Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
