ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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