you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
