I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
