hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
