Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
