haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize