it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
