So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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