every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
