remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
