dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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