somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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