I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize