who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
