New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there's paper in my vomit.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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