If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my poor anus
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
