I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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