OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just google imaged poop.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
