My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
