I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
