so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
