Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
