guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I believe in your delicious
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
