I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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