I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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