just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
