Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize