so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
