the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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