Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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