As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
