Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize