The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
