talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize