Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
