Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
