Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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