One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
