With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
