Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
