the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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