you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize