Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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