Non-Jews are for practice
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
