Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
